I'm Going to The Jungle...

Okay, family.

I’m not sure how many of you saw my post the other day in my stories, but I’ve included a screenshot of it below for reference.

Now before I begin, I have to admit that it’s truly incredible the way(s) that Spirit shows up and shows out when you lean into the art of total surrender. Years ago, when intentions would manifest, I used to say things like “I can’t believe it,” or “this is so crazy;” however, now I don’t say such things because when you surrender to the journey and trust the path you’ve chosen, then when things manifest, all you can really say is “thank you.”

So for context, since my inaugural retreat in 2022, I’ve hosted 7 international retreats between Caye Caulker, Belize (where we've lived for the past 3 years) and Bali, Indonesia, each of which have been uniquely powerful and transformative, not just for the Queens who took the leap but for me as their curator & host, as well. Though I’ve continuously held space for women to heal, to release, to realign and to do the work to fundamentally transform their lives, I’ve often considered whether or not I would ever attend a retreat and when asked, believe it or not, I’ve only ever said…”no”.

Now remember, we listen, we don't judge, so hear me out...

At each of the times that I was asked or that the conversation would come up, I didn’t think I had the capacity to attend a wellness retreat because though yes, I’ve hosted many, I just didn’t think I would be able to get what I needed out of it in communion with other women/people. Solo travel for healing? Absolutely! Healing in the presence of total strangers, nahhh. Truthfully, it’s an intimidating choice to attend a retreat that’s being hosted by someone you don’t know, surrounded by complete strangers so in considering it for my own spiritual wellness, given my own hesitation, it truly makes me even more grateful for the ladies who’ve attended any of my retreats or the monthly Intention Circles because it means that they trust me with the most sacred parts of their being and that’s their spirits.

So back to my hesitation about attending a retreat…

Again, I’d always been a little hesitant about it because I just don’t trust anyone with my spirit or with my wounds, but recently…very recently in fact (last week), I was talking to a retreat-sister-turned-sister-friend about my reluctance about doing it and she, like most, was shocked. I stood my ground on my reasons why I wouldn’t attend one but after awhile, I thought about it and I realized that my hesitation is honestly rooted in both fear and past trauma. In the past, I’ve disclosed some of my deepest wounds to people who are no longer in my life because they abused the power one gains in knowing such intimate details of another person’s life. Even my mother (who many of you know I had to go no-contact with as of last year), had used some of the most sacred things I’ve ever told her against me and years later, here I am holding space for women who’ve endured some of that same pain, unwilling to allow someone to hold space for me.

Well Spirit heard me, laughed and manifested one of the most incredible opportunities for me to do one of the few things I said I wouldn’t and because it was so deeply aligned with the very work I both do for others and need done for myself, I pushed past my fear and said “yes,”.

So let’s talk about it…

Black Condor Tribe is a wellness retreat experience intentionally curated for Black people to commune with the Elements, Spirit and the Divine within the jungles of Peru. Those who hold space for the only 8 participants who decide to attend the retreat are indigenous Mahua grandmothers who introduce the attendees to the sacred art of communing with a variety of Shipibo plant medicines, including Mama Ayahuasca (something I that is legit on my bucket list). Throughout the course of the one to two-week retreat experience (you can choose the duration based on your budget and spiritual needs), you are intentionally placed deep within a sacred jungle of Peru, where you’re invited to finally confront some of the things lingering deep in your shadows and release them through powerful plant medicine ceremonies that are facilitated by these two beautiful souls who are native to these sacred lands.

Well for someone whose deepest wound is her mother wound (anyone else??), this retreat couldn’t have come at a better time nor could it have been structured in a better way. For context, it hasn’t been a year yet that I’ve gone no-contact with my mother and truthfully, the journey of navigating life without her hasn’t been the easiest. She resurfaces in my dreams, her message is still on our wall (we have a wall in our home where our friends/family write positive affirmations during their stay) and despite what’s transpired between us, I’ve kept her message there, seeing her words every single day since the last time she was here on the island. I go through bouts of deep guilt for choosing my own mental health and for protecting it along with that of my children but I’ve done the work to release as much of those emotions as I can, particularly during Full Moons.

If I'm entirely honest, however, there’s still a lot of pain and deeply complex emotions that are still in my heart because mourning the loss of someone who is still alive can sometimes hurt in a way far more painful than if they’d transitioned.

Walking away from someone you love so much, who you are inherently (and biologically) connected to and who you’ve needed at so many different times in your life, is never easy; in fact, at times, it’s been a grueling process. But I’m glad I did it and I’m proud of myself for choosing me after decades of so much pain. Allowing these grandmothers in Peru to hold space for me, I imagine is going to be powerfully healing in ways that I just can’t even put into words because I haven’t yet experienced it. That loving maternal energy that they will offer to not only me but also to the other participants is something I imagine is going to free us from guilt, pain, disappointment, resentment and a number of other low-vibrational energies that are buried deep within our shadows and though yes, I’m nervous about being so vulnerable around women I don’t know, something in me tells me that I’ll be safe, that it will be okay and that I’ll receive a level of healing that will transform my relationship with my mother even but especially if I continue to remain no-contact.

Another thing about this opportunity that fascinates me is the fact that I’ve always prided myself on hosting “luxury retreat experiences” between Belize and Bali, so never would I have thought that I would be attending this type of retreat; one far from luxury, far from anything I’ve ever known or experienced, raw, unfiltered and requiring so much vulnerability; however, it is beyond clear to me that this is exactly what’s divinely intended for me to not only receive my own healing (because healers need healing too) but to deepen my own practice so that I can even more authentically show up for the ladies who continue to show up for me and my retreat experiences in the years to come. I've also always been a huge advocate for spiritual solitude as a tool for reflection and introspection and this is such a magical (read: slightly intimidating) way to return to mySelf after months of being present for my retreat Queens, my children, my husband and my businesses, and indulge in the quiet calm of the purest energies of the jungle while reconnecting with myself in all the ways that I possibly can.

Every participant gets their own jungle hut during the retreat that has no electricity but fresh running water and individual showers.

The other thing that makes me appreciate this particular retreat is the fact that it is intended and curated for Black people who have their own set of traumas that differ from many other populations across the world because few groups of people have endured the level of generational, social and political trauma that we still navigate to this very day. Bringing melanated people back to the sacred lands that are indigenous to these powerfully healing Brown women, I believe will form a connection between us as participants and them as healers that could potentially heal generations of people who come before or after us. 

Also get this…

So I've mentioned this briefly on my IG page that I’m in the midst of writing a young adult, fiction novel entitled, “Yemaya and the Jungle,” and though I’ve written nearly half of it already, I’ve stopped right at the point that my protagonist, Yemaya, enters the jungle and truthfully, I've been sort of stuck there. The last time I felt truly inspired to pour into the book was while I was in Bali for my solar return last November and I’ve since written a few pages here and there but life on the island with two toddlers keeps a woman busy, so I just haven’t had much time to write.

Additionally, however, I’m at the part of the book where I just don’t know how I want to describe Yemaya's experience in the jungle because despite all of my travels across the world, a jungle is one of the few landscapes I haven’t yet explored or experienced…until now.

Once I take the leap to experience this retreat with Black Condor Tribe, I’ll be able to breathe life into this part of the book (arguably the most significant) from a truly authentic place, having experienced it for myself. I’m excited to be able to tie in the ceremonies, the plants, the wildlife, the energy and the sacredness of the jungles of Peru into the jungle that I’ve created in my first fiction novel. I’m excited to describe aspects of the jungle in my book based on what I’m able to see with my own two eyes, what I’m able to feel with my heart on those sacred lands and in communion with the grandmothers who were born to facilitate our healing and hold space for those willing to take the leap.

*Sighs in gratitude*

So that’s the surprise, family.

Seclusion, intimacy, intentional healing of deep wounds and powerful, inward reflection while communing with sacred medicinal plants facilitated by indigenous grandmothers of Peru. That’s what I’ll be experiencing at the end of the year, after having led 5 of my own retreats in one year and after finally leaning into the call for my own healing after years of a trauma-based reluctance. I can’t wait for this experience because I know it’s going to catapult me into different timelines and higher dimensions, deepening my spiritual practice, enhancing my healing powers and releasing me from the shackles of my trauma, allowing me to finally taste the closest thing to nirvana I’ll have ever experienced in this lifetime.

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Registration for this magical experience is now open and only available for 8 participants, so if you'd like to join me on this adventure and walk beside me as we deepen or connection to Mother Earth and Spirit, then head over to the website for more information!

DISCLAIMER: In the spirit of full transparency, I make zero commission from promoting this experience. It's a completely authentic endorsement of a retreat I believe in and have been invited to attend and would absolutely love to see some of you there alongside me.

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